Sunday, December 12, 2010

Early morning ramblings…

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 43:5

I want to first say thank you to those of you that contacted me in regards to my last blog. You are truly gifts from God! I wish I could say that I’m back on track, but that wouldn’t be the truth. Things have gotten better though. I’ve had some wonderful moments in the past two weeks… sigh, yes two weeks cuz I neglected to blog again last week.

One of the moments that comforted me so much I want to share. Without going into great detail… I called my Mom one day on my way home from work and she told me she was on the phone with my grand-daughter who was very upset and sobbing over something that was said to her. My Mom said she was going to hang up with her and for me to call her back, which I did. I call her and she was so very downcast, as we are talking and she is telling me what was going on she starts sobbing harder. It was about Christmas and she was very confused… she is 8 years old. Through her time spent with us in North Carolina… going to church and reading the Bible with me, she has come to know Jesus. What a blessing!!! So, I am talking to her about the celebration of Christmas and Jesus’ birth. Explaining how no one can take that away from us, it’s a very real celebration. She starts to calm and says, “Memaw, He is here with me now. He’s right behind me.” As I type this I get the same rush and tears I got at that moment. I asked her, “Is He putting his arms around you?” and got “yes.” For that moment all was well with the world. A child comforted, a Memaw comforted. Beautiful, huh?

So, I think I can say in the past two weeks I’ve begun to draw back to Him. I shared with my Bible study group about this distance of late. It was very hard to say this and not break down and cry, but the time was right and I needed those around me to help lift me up and such. Ok, that’s hard to admit. The scripture I used above actually came from a phone call from someone in this group. She wanted me to hear it and offered her own words of comfort. Again, gifts from God!

The way I feel now is how life used to always be. The good thing is I know it doesn’t have to be that way and even better yet… I know it won’t always be this way. He is here with me still… for whatever reason… my doing or outside forces, His presence just isn’t engulfing me in the way I wish it would. I will wait, I will try harder to be quiet… and it will come.

~Lord, thank You for all the blessings You have bestowed on me. I especially thank You for the gift of love… love shared from others… love I can share with others. Please continue to hold me in this time of struggle. I know You are here and don’t know how to express the love I feel for You and Your patience with me, but will try. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen~

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