Where do I turn...

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)

Friday I was on my work computer and clicked on something I knew better than to do. It was a malware virus of some sort and it promptly started to spam my computer with little windows tiling all over the place faster than I could possible read or try to click them closed. I tried the safe ways to shut the computer down and wasn’t able to so I turned it off from the power button. After a few moments I tried to turn it back on and it wouldn’t boot up. I tried numerous times and couldn’t get it on… not even in “safe mode.” Now panic starts to sink in and I call my husband and we try to think of a few possible options. After talking to him, I called a computer pro and talked to him… well that scared me cuz he was thinking my hard drive may have completely crashed. We went over my options and decided that he would come out and take a look at it.

The computer pro was able to get my files off the computer, but not able to get the hard drive to boot up. It was on its last leg and a new one was needed. Hubby runs out Saturday morning and gets a nice new one to install… gets it in and runs the restore software. I’m not thrilled about starting over, but am glad my files appear to have been saved. By Saturday afternoon the computer still isn’t booting up. The old computer isn’t liking the new hard drive too much and doesn’t want to play nice. Hubby has been on the phone with computer pro kicking around the options. I’m trying to stay busy and not show the concern building in me. I know everyone is doing what they can and no use in me making matters worse by fretting out loud. Long story short, it’s now Sunday afternoon and the computer isn’t up and running… it may or may not be tomorrow after hubby tries a few things on it. I don’t have my documents, accounting, customer email information, etc. available and don’t know when (and do I dare say “if”) I will.

It dawned on me at some point yesterday that I had told many people about this situation, but I hadn’t prayed on it. So I shot up a fast “flare” prayer. Well, it’s eating at me today that I’ve not been in reverent prayer over this. It’s important… it’s quite important really. Do I think that God isn’t technical enough to help with this? Do I think it’s not important enough to Him and that one little mention is enough? Do I not know that He is where I should turn in times of trouble and concern?

I’m so glad that this was the day I was to update my blog cuz I really needed to sit down and take a look at myself and my lack of… struggling with how to word this… faith in God I suppose. I am lacking faith when I don’t turn to Him. He wants me to… I need to. I don’t want to lack faith… I want to grow in my faith, be strong in it, trust in Him and make sure to turn to Him for all things.

~Heavenly Father, thank you for being there and caring for us and about all our concerns and needs. I’m sorry for my lack of prayer in times of need and concern. I’m sorry for trying to be the judge of what is to mundane for You to worry about. I promise to strive to be more faithful and to come to You first in prayer and ask for Your guidance in all I do. Amen~

Words from the heart...

You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.

Matthew 12:34-35

About three weeks ago the above scripture came up in our Bible study and also very similar words were spoken in the sermon at church. I knew at the time I was being spoken too and they have continued to weigh heavy on my heart.

My tongue lashes out with evil words way too often and I don’t like how it makes me feel. Yet, I can’t seem to get a grip on it. Oh I know it’s not for “me” to get a grip on… I need to pray more and harder and let the Spirit within me work. It is probably “me” that hinders it though. I don’t believe that I’m mostly mean and evil, but there is definitely a part of the old me that surfaces easily. It shouldn’t matter at all how far I’m pushed by another human being… that’s a poor excuse for allowing ugliness into my heart and out of my mouth.

What would Jesus do if someone was taunting Him? Would His heart harden and ugly words fly from His mouth? Nope! He would find a way to love them. Oh my gosh, can you imagine? Maybe you can, but I can’t… at least not yet. I pray to be civil, pray to understand… and I need to start praying to love. To love someone when they are being unlovable. It’s easy to say that I’m just human and have human reactions and emotions… but I’m finding that to be less and less of an excuse. The more I learn the Word of God, the more I learn that I’m flawed and I can be better. I have a way now… through Jesus and the Spirit.

~Lord, please forgive me for the ugliness that flows from my lips. Help me to be more like You… to love even when it’s hard. I pray that my heart will soften and not harden when it’s tested. I pray that I am able to put my selfishness aside and feel more compassion for others. With Your help I know I can do this. Thank you Lord, Amen.~

Do not fear...

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I’m sitting down to write with no idea where to go or what to say today. Fear seems to be the topic on my mind so after praying and asking for guidance, I think that’s where we will go.

This is a personal blog so I will have to get personal, I suppose, even when it means sharing things I might not want to admit to. I had mentioned in my last post about a doctor’s appointment that I didn’t like some of what went on. When she was listening to my heart she said she heart strong sounds on my right side and that wasn’t normal. A few years ago it was discovered that I have a heart murmur and I had to get that checked out. It was labeled to be “most likely a benign murmur” and I was told to not worry about it. It was faint at the time, but now it can be heard more prominently… so I’m told. The doctor wanted me to go for another echocardiogram thingy and I really don’t want to… blamed it on financial reasons which is true, but I didn’t mention that I’m plain old afraid to do it. She said I could get an x-ray and that would show if my heart was enlarged, which she suspected from what she was hearing. I tried to get out of that too, but she said that I really needed to do it and it wasn’t overly expensive if my medical insurance didn’t cover it.

I walk into a doctor’s office, hospital or even the veterinarian’s office and “white coat syndrome” clicks in. I’ve always been this way and can’t seem to shake it. My blood pressure, which is probably high anyways and I’m on medication for, goes through the roof… pulse is racing… and I’m a wreck. So, no I didn’t want to get a chest x-ray. No appointment is needed for this and it took me a week and a half to “find the time” to go get this done. Can we say it was really “find the nerve”… yep, we sure can! This past Friday morning I woke up early and headed into town to get my x-ray before work. I’ll admit I took a Xanax before leaving the house and I’m sure that helped to calm me a bit, but not as much as the praying and conversation I had with God in the car did.

Sometimes when I’m talking to God, He will talk back to me. I try to question the voice and answers I get and wonder if it’s really myself talking to myself. The thing is, I couldn’t possibly answer so quickly. It’s a fast fire of questions, fears, concerns, etc and the replies come back as fast as I can fire out my end of it. I don’t know how to explain this and it doesn’t happen all the time… but it does happen and I’m sure I’ll refer to this type “conversation” I have with the Lord from time to time. So… I’m driving into town and we are talking and He is trying to calm my nerves. He’s reminding me that He is with me and isn’t going to leave me. He even tries to tell me that I’m alright and will be alright. That’s when I think it’s me talking to myself and even ask Him… “is this me or you talking here.” Mostly He tells me to trust Him. At some point on my drive I did decide to trust Him and once I did I calmed down a bunch. Now I know what Xanax does for me and it’s calming for sure, but it’s not the same as the Lords calming touch. For the record, I like His better!

Once I had calmed down I spent the rest of my drive praying for a few folks I know were also having a rough time. One in particular that was going to a doctor that same day and I prayed that God would reach out and hold her like He was me. I felt so comforted that I wanted everyone I know to feel it too. I started naming off family and friends and asking for them to feel His arms around them like I was. It was kind of surreal after the way I had started out that morning.

The x-ray tech said that it would take a few days for them to get the results to my doctor and then of course I had to wait to be called. About three hours later my phone at work rings and I see on the caller ID that it’s my doctor’s office… I thought, “this must really be bad.” I admit I panicked for a moment, but not long. I picked up the phone and the nurse told me that they received the report on my x-ray and everything was normal. I laughed and told her that I knew it was. God was right.

~Lord, I come to you today and ask that you please help me to feel your comfort in good times and bad. There is nothing in this world that can compare to the feeling of being in your arms. I pray that you wrap them not only around me, but around everyone. Please reach out to those who have yet to know Your Son and guide them to Him like you did me. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen~

World Communion Sunday…

There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 

Galatians 3:28

It’s been a real tough week for me in many ways. Had a doctor’s appointment and didn’t like some of what went on there. The economy is taking its toll on all of us to some extent. I’m personally frightened and concerned and haven’t been able to see any light at the end of the tunnel. Things seem to keep getting worse and worse… scarier and scarier. It’s been difficult to keep my prayers and talk with the Lord going this week. It was such a pleasure to go to church today and step away from all that has been weighing on me. Instead of feeling alone, I walked away feeling very unified with not only those I saw today, but many around the world.

Today we celebrated World Communion Sunday. To think that people around the world were participating in Communion as we were was very comforting. For me the most comforting part of the service was one of the many hymns we sang… One Bread, One Body. Here are the lyrics:

Refrain:

One bread, one body,
one Lord of all,
one cup of blessing which we bless.
And we, though many,
throughout the earth,
we are one body in this one Lord.

Verse 1 (my favorite):

Gentile or Jew,
servant or free,
woman or man, no more.

Verse 2:

Many the gifts,
many the works,
one in the Lord of all.

Verse 3:

Grain for the fields,
scattered and grown,
gathered to one, for all.

Jesus came and offered unity for all of us! Those of us that have seen and accepted that share in a practice (Communion) that reminds us not only of the sacrifice of His life to give us life, but like the above hymn says… we, though many, throughout the earth, we are one body in this one Lord.

When I was a Stephen Minister one of the things we did was assist the ministers with the giving of Communion. The Stephen Ministry in our church has come to an end, but that is one of my very favorite things to do and I hope I will still have the opportunity to assist in the future. To look at my brothers and sisters in Christ as they partook of this Holy Sacrament was a blessing in many ways. I felt love towards them and often felt it back. What an honor!

I feel so happy for those that know the Lord and are a part of the body of Christ. I know I’m not alone in the dream that one day all will be right here with us. Maybe there will be a World Communion Sunday where there isn’t enough bread to go around to all those who show up to partake and our Lord will once again perform the miracle of feeding all who came to eat.

~Lord, thank you for showing your disciples of yesterday and today how to come together as one, to use our gifts and talents to work as a unified body in Your name. Please help to keep me centered on You as life brings its bumps and bruises. Remind me to lean on You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.~