The pursuit of…

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:33

There has been something bothering me for awhile now and it’s come to the point where I have to deal with it. It’s interesting to me how things I have done probably my entire life at first went un-noticed (by me that is), then I got a bit of an inkling of it being there, next it became quite apparent, started to eat at me and become ugly… and finally it was time for it to be gone. I’m referring to character traits mostly… ones that really don’t need to be with me.

What has been bothering me is how I seem to enjoy the pursuit of things. It can be an object, person, pet… just about anything. I become obsessed and actually enjoy the pursuit. Then, once I’ve achieved whatever it is… it seems that I’m happy for a short time and then it’s on to the next. Many times I’ve heard that women should play “hard to get” cuz men love the pursuit involved. I guess being female, I never really saw myself doing the same thing. This isn’t a new realization… it’s been some time since I’ve noticed this in myself, but that was it… I noticed it. It’s not become quiet uncomfortable to me. It doesn’t make me feel good and it’s not fair to others at all. I slight people in my world when I’m busy pursuing others people or objects. It takes a bunch of time and energy to get what I want… grrrr… how ugly does that sound!

This morning I mentioned this to someone. I said I’m not sure if this is a sin or what, but do know that it doesn’t feel good. I wanted to blog about it, but wasn’t quite sure how it fit into my spiritual journey. I’ve been praying about it… been asking God to please remove this from me. What I never thought of was something she said… putting the time and energy and pursuit into Him! I know how to do it, just didn’t direct it in the right direction. The pursuit of the Lord is one I can feel good about… it won’t ever stop… and I don’t think He will let me put all else aside while doing it. What I do believe He will do is show me where else to put my time and energies and be able to feel good about it.

I’m not expecting this to happen overnight, but do feel so much better about things already.

~Lord, thank you for bringing things to my attention and making me want to become a better person. Please show me how to put more energy into seeking to know you better and less energy into pursuing earthly things. Help me to show love and compassion to those in my life and not to push them aside while I obsess over something else. I ask this in Jesus’ name, Amen.~