Do not fear...

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I’m sitting down to write with no idea where to go or what to say today. Fear seems to be the topic on my mind so after praying and asking for guidance, I think that’s where we will go.

This is a personal blog so I will have to get personal, I suppose, even when it means sharing things I might not want to admit to. I had mentioned in my last post about a doctor’s appointment that I didn’t like some of what went on. When she was listening to my heart she said she heart strong sounds on my right side and that wasn’t normal. A few years ago it was discovered that I have a heart murmur and I had to get that checked out. It was labeled to be “most likely a benign murmur” and I was told to not worry about it. It was faint at the time, but now it can be heard more prominently… so I’m told. The doctor wanted me to go for another echocardiogram thingy and I really don’t want to… blamed it on financial reasons which is true, but I didn’t mention that I’m plain old afraid to do it. She said I could get an x-ray and that would show if my heart was enlarged, which she suspected from what she was hearing. I tried to get out of that too, but she said that I really needed to do it and it wasn’t overly expensive if my medical insurance didn’t cover it.

I walk into a doctor’s office, hospital or even the veterinarian’s office and “white coat syndrome” clicks in. I’ve always been this way and can’t seem to shake it. My blood pressure, which is probably high anyways and I’m on medication for, goes through the roof… pulse is racing… and I’m a wreck. So, no I didn’t want to get a chest x-ray. No appointment is needed for this and it took me a week and a half to “find the time” to go get this done. Can we say it was really “find the nerve”… yep, we sure can! This past Friday morning I woke up early and headed into town to get my x-ray before work. I’ll admit I took a Xanax before leaving the house and I’m sure that helped to calm me a bit, but not as much as the praying and conversation I had with God in the car did.

Sometimes when I’m talking to God, He will talk back to me. I try to question the voice and answers I get and wonder if it’s really myself talking to myself. The thing is, I couldn’t possibly answer so quickly. It’s a fast fire of questions, fears, concerns, etc and the replies come back as fast as I can fire out my end of it. I don’t know how to explain this and it doesn’t happen all the time… but it does happen and I’m sure I’ll refer to this type “conversation” I have with the Lord from time to time. So… I’m driving into town and we are talking and He is trying to calm my nerves. He’s reminding me that He is with me and isn’t going to leave me. He even tries to tell me that I’m alright and will be alright. That’s when I think it’s me talking to myself and even ask Him… “is this me or you talking here.” Mostly He tells me to trust Him. At some point on my drive I did decide to trust Him and once I did I calmed down a bunch. Now I know what Xanax does for me and it’s calming for sure, but it’s not the same as the Lords calming touch. For the record, I like His better!

Once I had calmed down I spent the rest of my drive praying for a few folks I know were also having a rough time. One in particular that was going to a doctor that same day and I prayed that God would reach out and hold her like He was me. I felt so comforted that I wanted everyone I know to feel it too. I started naming off family and friends and asking for them to feel His arms around them like I was. It was kind of surreal after the way I had started out that morning.

The x-ray tech said that it would take a few days for them to get the results to my doctor and then of course I had to wait to be called. About three hours later my phone at work rings and I see on the caller ID that it’s my doctor’s office… I thought, “this must really be bad.” I admit I panicked for a moment, but not long. I picked up the phone and the nurse told me that they received the report on my x-ray and everything was normal. I laughed and told her that I knew it was. God was right.

~Lord, I come to you today and ask that you please help me to feel your comfort in good times and bad. There is nothing in this world that can compare to the feeling of being in your arms. I pray that you wrap them not only around me, but around everyone. Please reach out to those who have yet to know Your Son and guide them to Him like you did me. It’s in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen~